Being 20

Wow. its been awhile. Here’s what has happened recently since my last post

 

I drank my first beer

I broke up with my 3+ year boyfriend

I cried way too many nights

I worked full-time for an entire summer

I cut my bangs

I got almost-drunk

I danced with a random guy at a club

I realized I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate

I realized all I want to do is travel

I’m going to climb Kilimanjaro in 2012

I have felt more alone in the last couple months than I have my entire life

I flew solo to see my family

I moved in with roommates

During these past couple months, I have grown, changed, and started to find the real “me.” I’m not your average 20 year  old college girl. I don’t care about Husker football, I don’t like the taste of beer, and I don’t have a group of girlfriends that I can tell anything too. I’m not pretty, skinny, funny, or anything like that. But, I do have a big heart. I would go to the end of the road for anyone. I have big dreams (most fitness related) and I realized that thats all that matters. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone by being someone I’m not. Even if that means doing everything on my own, so be it, and least I’ll know I did it. I would love to be able to pour my feelings into someone else, but right now, thats not the case. I’ll keep them inside until I  can’t anymore.

Ok, over the emotional paragraph. I’m desperately in need of a shower after work, a indoor training ride, and work again. Off to study, sleep, shower, eat; repeat.

Peace-

DNF

I haven’t posted since Valentines day. And here’s just a few reasons why:

Working at Trader Joe’s

Volunteering at Husker Performance

16 credit hours + 3 labs

Training for a marathon

Sleep, Eating (you know the basics)

Trying to keep a social life (might of fell by the wayside…)

I’ve been a busy girl! Last Sunday it was all suppossed to be rewarded by finishing my second marathon. That didn’t happen. I DNF’ed (?) in my first race ever. The most important race ever, to me at least.

During this training I’ve been the busiest ever. Trying to be a full time student, work 2 part time jobs, and run 30+ miles a week will take a toll on your body, and your grades. My calves have felt tight for about a month now, and I have been worried about finishing for a while now. The night before the race, I was so ready to cross that finish line for the second time, even though this time i’d be solo.

When the race was about to start, I was alone, but ready. I felt awesome from mile 1-6, and then at mile 7 my legs started cramping, and my paces slowed. I saw my parents at mile 8 and that helped; but I was still in pain. I knew I would not make it 20 more miles with legs feeling like this, unless I didn’t want to walk for a few days.

I saw my parents right before the half/full split. I told them I was dropping down. The tears almost flowed at that point. I took the turn and headed to the finish line. I felt like I was moving in slow motion, like I wasn’t actually running, but imaging it in my head. I felt horrible, like a failure, a quitter; the worst feelings in the world.

I didn’t even look at my time, or smile when I was awarded a medal. I didn’t take any gatorade or fruit, I just felt defeated. I had been training for 4 months for this. All those early mornings, and staying in on Friday nights. What were the worth? Nothing, because I failed. I cried a long time on Sunday. No one could make me feel any better. I always wonder “what if”. Would I of felt good? Would I of injured myself? I’ll never know, and I think that is what tears me apart inside. And the fact that I have to face everyone who asks me how the marathon was. I need to train and finish another marathon. I need to be proud of myself. I need to feel like I can accomplish something. I need to make myself see that I’m worth something.

Valentines Day

Happy valentines day everyone!!

My day started bright and early with a 5:00 oclock wake up call. I volunteer at Husker Performance 4 days a week (sports nutrition) and Monday is my super early day. After walking around the stadium for 2 hours (being a slave to the FB players) I headed to my nutrition class, then organic chemistry class. And then I was done for the day!

I usually work Monday’s, but had the day off due to working both Saturday and Sunday for the Fearless Flyer’s premier. (I work at Trader Joe’s)

Today, has not been good eating wise. I’m definetely not loving on my body on valentines day. So far I’ve had:

a TJ sesame bagel

banana

diet dew

small apple

small banana muffin

small cookie (!)

fruit x2

I’ve been a snacking machine!!! I plan on going for a five mile run as soon as my homework is finished to run it off. hopefully.

Last week was the  big 3 5 in running miles/week and I can feel it for sure!!

Have a great valentines day everyone!

 

A CSN review

Afternoon!

Today I only had one class, so it made for a pretty good day I also got contacted for a review with CSN. CSN has so many great products, including swingsets,  coffee makers, and kettle bells

Make sure you check them out! They have provided me with a chance to do a review for their company, my question to you is WHAT SHOULD I REVIEW!?!? Any help would be much appreciated

Tonight I have marathon training class with a 6 mile tempo run on the schedule.

Have a great night everyone!!

Confessions

Wow its been a busy first week back at school!

Our first two days were snow days, so we actually only had a three day week, but I still ended up with too much homework!

I’ve also ran 24 miles this week (need to do 1-2 miles today) and had 2 pairs of new Asics that didn’t work, so taking care of those is also on the agenda.

My organic chemistry class is already kicking my butt, and it is has already even started :/

I thought I’d do a fun little post before I start on the 87 problems I have to do later today.

1. I love random meals and hardly ever cook

2. I love Jersey Shore

3. I fall a lot when no ones watching

4. I makes lists for EVERYTHING

5. I still watch Arthur

Have a great Sunday everyone!

My running buddy

Morning!

I just got back from my LAST run for a year with my running buddy Mr. Tom Faughn. He is deploying tomorrow and I”m gonna miss the crap out of him.

We went to HS together, but didn’t start running regularly together till last year. Here’s a year in review of all our runs. Training runs not included.

Mud Run 10k

lincoln marathon

Omaha half marathon

Market to Market relay

Swamp Stomp

Living History Farm Run

There is probably a lot more that I’m missing. With Tom I’ve gotten faster and had a great time. This next year will be very hard without him, but that’s life right?

Here’s to looking forward to a run in 2012

11 goals for 2011

Evening..or morning?

I just got off work at Trader Joe’s and of course I’m not tired. So what do I do? Stuff myself with Ginger cats and dried fruit. Its a problem, I know :/

Today I finally ran 7 miles with my buddy before he leaves for Iraq I’m sure gonna miss my running buddy!!

So here it is, my 11 goals for 2011

1. Lose 10-15 pounds

2. Beat 4 hours in the Lincoln Marathon

3. Do a triathlon

4. Get better at initiutive eating

5. Go on a trip

6. Start saving in my “Europe” fund

7. Get all A’s & B’s in Spring semester + fall semester

8. Make some girlfriends

9. have more FUN

10. Blog more

11. Strength train 2-3x per week

Of course there is other “smaller” goals. But, those are the big ones. Unedited of course

What are your goals for 2011??

Have a great New Years Eve!!!