Trying to find my happy weight

31 07 2010

Evening all!

I read Healthy tipping point probably a little too much, so when I saw the chance to have my blog advertised, I jumped at the chance!

Operation Beautiful is a great thing and I hope it helps a lot of people find out how beautiful they really are. And, I really hope it helps me learn to love myself a little bit more too. Here’s a little background about my body issues:

I’ve always been sporty, but in high school I noticed that I was gaining a little weight; so I decided to go on a diet. I read up on all the nutrition websites, surfed the internet for days looking for the calorie counts on foods, and religiously counted calories; some days going as low as 1,200 calories a day. Through all this I would workout for 3+ hours a day. I lost weight quickly. I also lost a lot of muscle. My teachers began to notice this change and got really worried. I had the counselers calling my mom, and people calling me into their offices to “chat.” I went to a small school, and was well known, so when I began to lose weight; people noticed. But, I felt incredible. I was wearing size 2, couldn’t pinch an ounce of fat, and loved the way the shoulder bones poked out. I had a problem. A couple months later, I decided to stop counting calories and work on eating when I was hungry. It worked for a little while, but some weight came back on: and I freaked. This went on for a while. About my senior year I finally fell into my happy weight: 130. I felt good and could eat some chocolate every now and then without feeling guilty; I thought life was going good. Fast forward to college. I was so paranoid that I would gain the dreaded 15 that I stuck to a vegetarian diet, worked out everyday (and I don’t drink) so I thought I was fine. I started to train for the local marathon and that is when things went downhill. I was so hungry I got the “train gain.” Now I am setting at 145. I am not happy, and know I can be the lovely 130 again. I run a lot, and eat a vegetarian diet with very little fat. But, I have a problem of not listening to my body cues and seem to eat a LOT of fruit. I know I can be 130 again; as I was for two lovely years. I need to find my body confidence again and truly be happy. Even though weight is a number that does not define what my body can do for me; it is something I feel the need to control.

I need help from the blog community. Operation Beautiful has helped so many people, I need it to help  me so I can push past this mind set I have fallen into.

We all need to love our bodies, and look past the scale; and I can’t  help anyone until I myself am helped.

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3 responses

3 08 2010
Tina

I love your honesty here! I know I have struggled with my body, binging and so many things before. I think what helped me was letting go of the rules and the all or nothing attitude. You’re a beautiful person!

3 08 2010
Shanna @ Weight And See

I’ve had a similar struggle in the past four years. In the summer of 2005 I lost 20 pounds via Weight Watchers and after college put it all back on (and then some). I’ve come to realize that I may not be that thin again without really restricting myself and maybe my “happy weight” is a little higher than I thought. Whenever you feel frustrated with the number on the scale think about what you’ve accomplished that day! You’re an amazing runner! Own it and celebrate it!

3 08 2010
absgirl

you guys are awesome. thank you 🙂

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